The body is my stalker

The body controls my life. If I don't focus on the body maintenance, if I miss a step, it punishes me quickly. I'm exhausted or feel awful. Then I have to drag myself through days where I know I'll make mistakes because I'm sick/tired and judging myself for allowing the situation to happen. Or I end up asleep, not getting done what I want, judging myself for that. Everyone tells me, "Well, you need to make sure you don't do X so you don't end up with Y." Simple, yes. But dammit, constantly managing the body feels like I am living with an axe hanging over my head. A single mistake, I'm hating myself and paying for it physically.

Watch what you eat, when you eat it, and how you eat it. Take your blood pressure. Take your pills. You must take your pills with food. Are you eating enough fiber? Too much? Have you had enough fluids? What type, when? How clear is your urine? Have you eaten too much fat today? Is your stomach digesting anything? Are you bloated? If you don't eat, you'll be sick from low blood pressure. If you eat too much, you'll be sick from slow digestion. How many calories have you eaten? Don't gain weght or you'll be sicker. Did you get enough sleep? Did you get too much sleep? Did you exercise today? How much? Anything hurt? If you do too much, you'll need more sleep. Do too little, and you are not getting stronger. What's the pollen count today? What's high? Should you stay inside more? You'll be sick if you get exposed to too much pollen.You'll be sick if you don't get enough sun. How are your stress levels? Are you upset about something? You lucky dog, your body overreacts to stress. It is aging you faster than other people, and you can't do a damn thing about it. Stop feeling stressed. Well that means that I have to think about why I do what I do, and manage that too. Stop being so sensitive. I WAS BORN THAT WAY. If the slightest life tragedy gets you, then all bets are off. The body will make you pay for that too, often for days, maybe weeks at a time, depending. Not my fault. Doesn't matter. Still stuck in here, in the body. Don't get upset. Don't get mad. You can't afford that. Calm down and manage. Or the body will get you.

And while you do this all day long, get a job, be good at it. Be good to all the people who support you. Without them, you are stressed more. Calm down and manage. Or the body will get you.

Now, try to have a life. Friends and fun. Things that make you happy, contented, satisfied. Guess how much time and energy you have left for this? Don't let yourself feel sad,upset, or frustrated. You can't afford that. Calm down and manage. Or the body will get you.